Being a Mom: I Thought I Knew It All

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! This is one day I always look forward to every year, not only because of the annual pampering my husband never fails to give me but the chance to give thanks and honor to all the wonderful moms in our lives. Now I know they truly deserve all these attention and love!

When I got pregnant, I thought I was so ready. I'm the type of person who lists all things, organizes everything, learns what needs to be learned and reads all the self-help books. I was 30 years old at that time, took care of so many babies, my nephews and nieces, and they love me to death (I know coz they never fail to tell me..) I was ready for the pain, breastfeeding, late nights (or no-sleep-at all-nights!), multitasking and all. I had a pregnancy journal, monitored my pre-natal meds, milk, vaccines and checkups! When Patricia was born, (after a very long 41 weeks) I was prepared to take on the challenges! My pedia was so surprised when I showed her my own chart, her feeding times (I breastfed exclusively for 1 year), her poopoo time (with description of color and consistency), her sleep time, and when she started eating solids, I have a list of what she ate everyday (her dad has lots of allergies, just watching out for possible triggers) I was like that, then add a mom who has wisdom and patience like no other, and a mother-in-law who's an expert with babies and breastfeeding, how can I go wrong?!

Then, she was diagnosed with AUTISM!

I didn't know what hit me! I wasn't prepared for this! I didn't have any idea what this was! I didn't know where to start! The doctor said she might not be able to speak for the rest of her life, might be very dependent on us, might not tolerate many things and situations, and more. We weren't prepared for the tantrums, stims, self-hitting and strange stares from people that we needed to face. Not to mention the expenses too! We needed to use all the money we were saving up for her schooling and spend it on her therapies and all at the age of 2! How can a parent be ever ready for this! She is perfect! She is a happy baby. She looks like an angel. She IS an angel! And this what made motherhood extra special for me.

I knew I'll be a hands-on mom and luckily, I also have a loving husband who's very hands-on too. I knew I will be a mom who tutors her, prepares her food and clothes, etc. What I didn't know was that God has even a bigger and better plan for me. I will not only be her mother, but her teacher, speech pathologist, occupational therapist, nurse, yaya, hairstylist, labandera, and more! I will be her biggest fan and advocate! I will be everything she'll want me to be, her mascot, her clown, her playmate, her friend! I will be what a mother would be... a person with so much unconditional love to give.

I'll never complain and I'll never get tired! Motherhood is definitely the toughest and most rewarding job ever! I wouldn't trade this to any CEO positions out there! Thanks Patricia for the wonderful experiences you've gifted me. Thanks Robert for the love and support with whatever motherly decisions I make. Thanks Mommy Zeng and Mama Grace for all the parenting wisdom and skills you've given me. I'm a blessed mom! Happy Mother's Day!

Today is World Autism Awareness Day

It's been a year since my last post! I've been very busy with so many changes in Patricia's schedules, I can't find time to write, not to mention the changes in her sleeping pattern that changes from sleeping at 4am to sleeping early and waking up at 3am..=) But since it's Autism Awareness Month once again, I'm doing my share, in my own little way.

Patricia is now 7 years old, can you believe that? It's been 5 years since she was diagnosed. It's been a roller-coaster ride with so many ups and downs and trials and errors. We learn to accept and embrace that these are parts of our lives. We are now more at ease, comfortable and relaxed in handling the challenges. One thing we learned is not to expect too much from Patricia, her therapists and teachers. They can't perform miracles (but for me, the small miracles they've made are so many I can't thank them enough) and make Patricia a normal child. We all just want her to be happy. That's our primary goal. Others just follow. And the way Patricia is now, we're so grateful. She may still have tantrums as she still has fears (she's still scared of riding the elevator, hearing Mickey Mouse Hotdog song, and lately of the dark.) at least we already know how to handle her. Other than that, we've really come a long way!

She's completely potty trained, oh, except when we go to the mall! She doesn't like going to the mall's comfort rooms because she fears that she'll be seeing an elevator. She can now go grocery shopping with me without riding the cart. Now, the problem I have is when she hoards everything she wants. 6 pcs of Cheetos, 6 pcs of Lay's, 3 bags of Hershey's Kisses, 6 pcs of Chocolait, etc!! Gosh! We need to be rich daddy! She now knows how to remove her clothes, which means she can remove it by herself and go take a bath in the bathroom by herself too, which happens at around 3-4 times a day!! Waaaahhh! She can also say what food she wants to eat. Her favorite words (which she says very clearly), "Jollibee" "spaghetti" "McDo" "cheese" (for cheeseburger, she only eats the cheese) "french fries" "KFC" "pizza"... no wonder she's now 80 lbs!! The clothes we buy for her are for 16 years olds. She can now borrow clothes from me. Hahaha!

At this point in our lives, we want nothing more than to give her a happy, enjoyable, comfortable and healthy life. A positive environment without too much pressure on her to act normal. Where she can be herself, enjoy life and feel loved. In my first posts when she was first diagnosed, I said I'll squeeze the autism out of her in any way I can, now what I want is just to give her overflowing love embracing her and her autism. And we won't stop until our last breath.

Happy Autism Awareness Month!

It's Autism Awareness Month! We'll be on TV!

Today, we had an opportunity to share our journey to more people as SolarTV has invited us to be featured on their show "MedTalk" in celebration of the Autism Awareness Month. We are so excited when we received the call yesterday as this has always been our family's advocacy. It's amazing how they were able to contact us as they only saw this blog and was inspired and had to reach us. They called my husband, Robert's previous office in DTI to have our contact information. I was a bit nervous at first and wasn't sure if I can do this. But as I talked to them, I knew that this will be a great opportunity for us. This is for Patricia, for other angels and for fellow parents. We were excited. The world will see how proud we are of our angel and that her diagnosis is not the end of the world but just a beginning of a challenging and rewarding journey.

Please don't mind our messy house, we didn't have time to clean as we were just told the day before. I hope I was able to answer the questions well, we weren't given the questions beforehand and was asked impromptu. They also followed Patricia in her Speech Therapy.

I hope that we'll reach out to more people through this and inspire more parents. Just believe that there's a light at the end of the dark tunnel. Don't ever give up.

Watch us in MedTalk in SolarTv, April 23, 10-10:30pm.

Gymboree's Answer to Our Letter

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Dulay,

We received your letter today about your experience yesterday at Gymboree Magnolia.
We were saddened to hear that this incident bothered your family.  At Gymboree, we hold children in the highest regard and the mere thought of disappointing a child is very sad for us.

We are in agreement about the Gymboree philosophy and understand that we provide a positive environment for all young children that we always strive to achieve in our centers.  We train our teachers and staff and have the highest standards of behavior for everyone associated with our brand. It appears that we missed the mark this day, and for that I can only sincerely apologize for the experience that your family had at our site.

The Gymboree playscape is meant only for little children and for the safety of all children, we do try to cap the age of our playscape at the maximum of 60 months, whether a child has disability or not, since our playscape is not designed for kids above this age.  We usually (and as you mentioned did) offer the ArtsPlay experience in our classrooms which is an alternative we do offer for kids 5 and above.

We also sincerely apologize for the misunderstanding of our website regarding the age range of 0-5 year old for the playfloor which is actually up to 60 months old, and not beyond.  We will take immediate steps to ensure this is more clearly stated.

Once again, we are very sorry for the experience and we, ourselves, wish we could allow older children, too. We cannot take away her disappointment so please accept our small token of apology for your daughter and also as a token of thanks for bringing your child to Gymboree from an early age.  Our Bubble oodles will hopefully help her continue to experience Gymboree at your home.  Please let us know where we can deliver this for Patricia.

Please forgive us and know that we are moving forward to ensure that we show more compassion and empathy for disappointed children, and your child’s happiness is all that I can hope for.   Thank you for taking the time in providing prompt feedback.

Gymboree Philippines Management

This was sent to us by Ann Tan at 8:26pm tonight. We are glad that they read our letter and replied. We forgive them, but that's not enough. We just want them to re-train their staff and discuss Autism and what they'll do if this happens again. This doesn't happen everyday anyway.

This week is coincidentally the National Autism Awareness Week, and I hope that establishments especially those catering to kids be aware of the condition and be trained to be compassionate and understanding to kids with special needs and their families. That's all we were asking, nothing more.

An Open Letter to Gymboree Philippines

Dear Gymboree,

Yesterday was a horrible experience for our family. We went to Gymboree Robinson's Magnolia branch to celebrate a nephew's 2nd birthday. The whole family went there, 4 kids, 6 adults and 3 yayas. One of the kids is my daughter, Patricia, she's 5 years old and she has special needs, she has autism.

Autism spectrum disorders (ASD) are characterized by social-interaction difficulties, communication challenges and a tendency to engage in repetitive behaviors. (http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/symptoms) You and your staff might not be aware of what autism is and what parents go through everyday. As parents. we have to stick to routines, bring her to therapies and places that can help her develop skills (social and motor skills especially). Bringing her to Gymboree to play with her cousins would've been perfect. We had to mind set her the whole morning and on our way there, we had to be as animated as we can to excite her, and it worked.

We went there at around 3pm. Not too many children in the playground, we saw 2 or 3. My daughter was already smiling, jumping up and down as she saw the playground. And as we were about to pay, we were informed that the play area is only for kids up to 4 years old (your website says 5?) We were requesting if they can let her play with her cousins since she has special needs and it's her cousin's bday celebration. They still said NO. They were insisting that she can only use the art room because she's 5 already. She has autism and arts won't interest her, besides, her cousin will be outside playing while she's inside a room forced to do arts alone with me? I'm homeschooling her and we do that everyday. It's her cousin's birthday, for God's sake. She wants to play! FYI, that's a milestone for kids with autism.

I know that you have rules, but this is not too much to ask. We even begged them to please let her play even for just a short time. We won't be there the whole day. We're paying for the 1 hour of playtime, we don't even know if my daughter will stay that long. We asked them to let her be with her cousins even for just 30 mins or less, still a NO. What's wrong with you people, don't you have a heart? Can't you see my angel's face? She's smiling, and jumping and flapping (it means she's happy. FYI), and you shooed her away. It's heartbreaking to see that smile fade from her face. It's painful to know that we can't give her that simple joy because of the ignorance of some people. She's 5 years old, not 8 or 10. It's the first time we heard of this rule and we've been playing in Gymboree since she was diagnosed at 1yr and 9m. They should've let her play for this one last time. It's sad that Occupational Therapists even recommend you to our children, and you'll treat our angels that way. All we were asking is some consideration. Some "SPECIAL" treatment for our "SPECIAL" children. (FYI, some playgrounds and establishments even give freebies for them, Active Fun won't let adults pay to accompany their special child, and they also give our kids "SPECIAL" attention inside the grounds. And we pay 1/3 of your hourly rate.)

We're helping you know more about Autism and how to treat children with special needs. I want parents to be informed too that there's an age limit in your playground so they won't bring their special kids there and ruin their days, and ours too. I'll let parents know too that you're not considerate to kids like ours. That even if they throw the biggest tantrums, you wouldn't care.

Please train your staff to be more empathetic and compassionate. They weren't even apologetic which made the situation worse. They just didn't care.

Good luck.

Luanne and Robert Dulay
Autism Advocates
SEO and SMM Specialist
http://www.autism-angel.blogspot.com