Thursday, October 11, 2012

I Lost a Pillar of Strength

As i mentioned in my last post, it has been a very eventful year for us. So many things happened and we're expecting that there are more coming. The most significant thing that happened was the passing of my mom.

Mom died in her sleep on April 6, 2012, it was a Good Friday. It was very unexpected as she was her normal happy self during the past few days. We were all shocked and unprepared for it. She was the strength of the family, the one that holds us all together. She always has a positive outlook. Everytime we have a problem, she's always quick to say that it's alright. That we can do it. She also has a way of finding a way when there seems to be no way. And this time, we were lost.

I still remember the days after Patricia's diagnosis, they were gloomy, sad and painful but I had to have a brave front for my husband and the entire family. It was only to my mom that I broke down and cry. As i expected, she was stronger than me, giving me loving and encouraging words that will make me look at having a child with autism differently.

Instead of crying with me, instead of showing me how sad she was, and how devastating that news was, she was smiling. Then she said, "God chose you, you are so blessed because Patricia is a special blessing. Just imagine if she was given to parents who'll not love her. She's your angel and you'll be an angel to her." And she added, "So what if she has autism? We will not love her any less, we will love her even more." And she really did. She was with me and my husband in our journey. She helped us in every way she can. She has Patricia's picture as her computer's wall paper, she's using the calendar with Patricia's picture, she prayed novenas for her. She really treated her as her own little angel.

As she passed away, I feel like a part of me has gone with her. But i also feel that she left her strength and her faith here in my heart. I now face all the challenges always thinking of what would mommy do. I miss her every single day. I miss her voice, her laughter, her text messages, her gifts, but what i miss the most is her presence and knowing that someone is just there who'll do and give everything for me and our family. She taught me that, the true essence of being a mom, the undying and unconditional love she's given us.

I love you ma! Now we have an angel looking down on us and our little angel. You'll never be forgotten. I promise to be an angel to Patricia and to our family.